“Life for rent” (using the title of a song by Dido)

Some of the lyrics of the song that haunt me are the following:

” I haven’t even really found a place that I call home. I never really stick around quite long enough to make it”

“I apologise once again I am not in love but it’s not as if I mind that your heart ain’t exactly breaking”

“I always thought that I would live by the sea, to travel the world alone and live more simply. I have no idea what’s happened to that dream as there’s really nothing left here to stop me”

“It’s a thought, only a thought”

“While my heart is a shield and I won’t let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won’t even try
Well how can I say I’m alive”

“Nothing I have is truly mine”

As the aforementioned are enjoyed due to the fact that they are accompanied by a beautiful melody constructing a frame to host those meaningless words, angles of myself are constituted unable to extend in anyway since the so-classified meaningless words above have anon managed to underline my weaknesses or rather the points in my life that need to be examined and corrected.

Homeless. Well, having been exposed to an ever-changing lifestyle with adaptation and surprises being my compass, I should be satisfied to be given this potential of creating beautiful escapes to streets that have no name and faces that are like dust in the wind. I never quite managed to perform that to the full, since at least my perception of adaptation lays on the fact that I shall be placed in the process of finding spots where I could possibly let my anchor even temporarily; whether that is people or places. The difficulty is faced once asked to raise my anchor and turn my engine on to leave…or at least this was the trouble. At the moment, I am proud to announce to myself that this portrays no issue anymore since I have associated myself as a wave rather than a ship and therefore, have no need to leave an anchor. I shall always move as part of the sea and be moved by the refreshing and salty breeze carrying a hint of the sea’s aura inside it and shine due to the reflection of the sun on specific points of the sea’s linen cloth.

The downfall of the above, is the fact that  I cannot “stick around for quite a long time” and therefore I am unable or rather do not have time to follow the routine of the ones that stay; thus, fail, risk, fall in love. In order to test whether I am alive or not I allow myself to paint a colourful illusionary emotion that derives tension from tiny stimuli or well-presented words. This marvelous emotion is destined to be corrupted on the terms of various made-up reasons and though, it feels as if I actually have let myself flow, I have unconsciously set the end of something before I even form the beginning of it. The excuse is that I have goals and no time for nonsense. The actual reason is my inability to fully predict the outcome of a real emotion provided that I had not yet placed the bars of “what it is”, “how it will evolve” and such. No time for that, anyway.

Last but not least, regarding the travelling and living the simple life is one of the things I shall focus on once I am successful for my present as well as future (if any) dependants and in the position of providing them with anything that would assist their lives.

At least in my mind, I have peace and I am currently too busy to evaluate whether I am fine with this. ( or to be honest, I am aware I am not entirely fine with it, yet I can control it) It is efficient, therefore no need to be reset.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s