Wrong choices, bad choices, obligation before choice…

What could one possibly classify as ambition? Could it be nothing but a nice supportive phrase followed by a well-standing idea that became a thought, turned into a personal challenge that structured or gave meaning to a plan? Or could it be a minute crush that followed a thought and fit the purpose of that fling to a master plan? Ambition is possibly nothing but the motivation you need to design the perfect plan towards a glorious escape. This escape plan is that perfect it tastes like a berry cold drink on a sahara-hot day, with a balanced-out sweetness, served with drops marking the steamy iced glass, perhaps a leaf of peppermint on top…maybe even two…leaves…perhaps just for the colour…or even the scent…this soothing light yet powerful aroma that heals your stomach due to this firmly settled after-scent. The only thing that is actually refreshing about this drink is the rapid yet peacefully change of temperature in your mouth and your drying tongue…consequence of the ice…falling softly in the pond of lava. But whether a foody or not, this is a universally accepted assumption. Calms the spiciness of a curry as well. The indian secret advice. This one was followed by a baby oil tip. Sounds sexual, it is not. In fact nothing about him was actually sexual, it was me indulging in the satisfaction of this outrageous mother inside me that consented to baby-sitting because she wanted to take responsibility of her action. After that there was nothing…not even that awkward first hey-phrase. Up until a time during the summer when he found an excuse to text. An excuse that acted like the last drop on an already full glass…just to make it spill. The excuse slips my memory but the reason was that there was never a beginning to what we had and he was asking for it because in his eyes we could have something that would last forever. He was right. I just did not want it. It did not make sense in the absence of ambition. It felt meaningless at this point in my life as most things do when you are flirting with light and shadows. The extra lines of shadows and the projection of sunbeams feel meaningless because they are not bold. They can neither distract nor complement. Why should they become a part of your life then? I could not see why. I never can. The explanation did not matter to me. My decision was absolute from day one.

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